Wednesday, December 30, 2009

WoW, sO...i'M pReGgo!

Sorry, its been a little while since my last post but its the Holidays and it tends to get too busy for any down time to blog.

Well, read the title right :) I'm pregnant!! It's really early (I'm about 5 weeks along) but it's true. My husband and I found out about two weeks ago and are ecstatic. At first, he didn't believe the first home test I took (which said positive) so I took another and it said negative. Oh, man! Could it be that I had a false positive? Its never happened to me before (ok, so this isn't the first time I thought I was pregnant, sue me, lol) so I took four more home pregnancy tests after that....drum roll....they ALL said I was PREGNANT. Believe it or not, my hubby was still not too sure it was true even after I missed my regular scheduled cycle. So, I went to my doctor's office and got a blood test done. A day later, I received a call stating, "Michele, happy holidays you ARE pregnant."

Finally, my hubby thinks its true, lol. His behavior transformation is exciting to watch. Everything now is "hunny are you ok?, hunny do you need anything?, hunny can you eat that?, oh wait hunny I'll carry everything just get inside"...its so funny but sooo cute. He feels my tummy often even though our baby is only a size of a sweet pea right now.

During the week of Christmas, we told our families and close friends. Of course, there were some mixed emotions from some but many people were thrilled and excited for us. Ultimately, it only mattered that my hubby and I were excited for this new year and journey.

Over the next few days, I scheduled gyno visits, started taking prenatal vitamins, and learning as much as I could about pregnancy (birthing options, healthy diet, physical and emotional symptoms, etc.) Everything is so exciting but scary at the same time. I do well with change, never had a really hard time adapting but this is the BIGGEST change of my life. I'm concerned about the things people don't talk about like the possibility of a miscarriage, or whether I'll be prepared enough for my baby to come into this world, or if my body is capable of the natural birth (I desire), and if I'll be a good mom, etc. I guess with any rite of passage in life there is always uncertainty until you complete the task. Pregnancy is something that happens and ends in a couple months but motherhood that's forever so I better get use to this feeling of the unknown.

In the next few weeks, I have an ultra-sound scheduled to better estimate my due date and I scheduled an orientation seminar for a birth center I am considering. So, stay tuned for updates on this journey that is sure to unravel some emotions :)

I leave this post by saying "I'm going to be a mom sometime around late August/early September of 2010!"

Happy NEw YEar to ALL!!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

GoNe BuT NeVeR FoRgOtTeN

This week, my husband and I have experienced a loss. One of his high school pals passed away, he was 30 years old. It was unexpected and very sudden. It has caught us all by surprise.

As a psychology major, I'm very attuned to my emotions and I have a good understanding of the grieving stages (denial, guilt, anger, depression, and acceptance). I'm thankful for the knowledge and skill sets I have as it has prepared me to handle a majority of situations.

When I initially found out that our friend was no longer 'here', I was at work. It was at the end of my shift and I rushed to get home. I was in complete denial and I needed to be with my husband. The house was dark and my husband laid awake on the couch. I can't even imagine the thoughts going on in his mind. So, I sat by his side in silence.

As the week went on we discussed our first reactions to the news, DENIAL and guilt.We couldn't cry about the loss since it didn't feel real. We could still see his face and smile so vividly in our minds. I'm sure every memory my husband had with this person, raced through his mind throughout the day and night. We felt guilt because you feel like you could've helped this person in some way. You feel anger because he had a whole life to live (even though he may have thought differently).

Yesterday, we attended the viewing and it was surreal. For me, I hit the "depression" stage. I was finally able to mourn and shed the tears. So, that I could move on and reach acceptance. For my husband, I'm sure it will take longer to get through these stages as he had the stronger connection than I.

In the end, this experience has strengthen my relationship with my husband as I was able to be the shoulder he needed to lean on. Our friend is gone but he will NEVER be forgotten. R.I.P.


HeRe I aM

I am not a great writer; thus, blogging was something I thought I would never consider. However, a few of my friends have blogs for various reasons and I enjoy reading them, primarily because I don't get to see them that often and it keeps me bonded with them. So, I thought...if I enjoy reading their thoughts, ideas, adventures regarding their lives then perhaps someone out there may enjoy reading about mine or at least it gives me a way to UnRaVel my emotions when needed.

So, here I am! Ready to start this blogging journey. I don't know where this road will take me but I'm ready for the ride.